This is somethin I've started writin a while ago. Its pretty much just a humorous story about a few friends of mine, myself included, surviving Raccoon City as I think we would. We have actually gone into long discussions about how everything would work out...Which would end up ultimately with all of us either killing each other or leaving the rest as zombie bait. Either way enjoy, since I write this by what ever comes to mind while keeping everything within our group's dynamic.

Chapter 1: The Beginning
Location: Shawn's apartment 2 hours after zombie outbreak (Shawn, Jon, Alyssa)

Alyssa: Those things are so slow and stupid! Watch!

Alyssa picks up a flower pot and drops it onto a zombie's head below. A crash is heard followed by a moan as the zombie drops to the ground. Alyssa begins laughing as Jon pulls her back into the room.

Jon: Christ you're going to have much more fun then I will with these things. So Shawn hows the weapon search? Thought you had a couple guns and the like. I only got this fuckin bat.

Shawn walks into the living room carrying a shotgun and a duffly bag filled with ammo.

Shawn: Well fuck you too. I only have a shotgun. Cliff is on his way here with his handgun. Who knows if he'll even make it anyway. Wait...You have a bat, I have a shotty, whats she using?

Shawn looks towards Alyssa who lifts up a chainsaw, reving it. Jon jumps a few feet away from his sister.

Jon: Don't do that! My god you're wasting gas we don't have!

Shawn&Alyssa: Ha ha ha...Gas

Jon: Oh for the love a- Hells that noise?

Down a few flights gunshots are heard from a single source followed by a shuffle of feet running up the staircase. Suddenly Shawn's apartment door is opened with two people, Cliff and Toel, rushing in. Slamming the door behind them, Shawn moves the couch infront of the door barricading it off. Cliff and Toel are both panting from their long run

Cliff: Well that was a workout! Whew!

Toel: Workout is...*pant* a terrible word choice!

Shawn: How many did you bring here! There weren't that many an hour ago!

Jon: Toel must smell good. Damn sure it didn't come from Cliff.

Cliff: Fuck *pant* you *pant* Jon.

Jon: Ha ha!

Alyssa: *giggle*

Shawn: Well fuck. Now we have to use the damn fire escape. I'm not moving that couch again.

Jon: You're tired out from moving that? Come on ya pansie.

Alyssa: Sure you're not the pansie? You move it!

Jon: Fine we use the fire escape.

Alyssa: Weakling!

Jon: Chainsaw weilding manaic!

Shawn: Stupid cow!

Alyssa: Hey! I am not a cow!

Shawn: I was calling Cliff a cow not you.

Cliff: How the fuck am I a cow?

Toel: Well you are the biggest one here, so I guess you would be a cow. That and you're wearing white.

Jon: Thought you were supposed to be nice?

Toel: But that was nice. In what way is that being mean?

Jon: You called Cliff a cow.

Toel: Well he IS wearing white.

Shawn: And you're a whiny bitch. Stop betraying Cliff you whore!

Alyssa: I'm not a whore! I only ate his pizza 20 minutes ago!

Jon: Pay up! Told you I didn't eat it!

Shawn: How about I pay you with a lead sandwhich. From the shotgun.

Jon: Well you pull the shell out, pour the lead onto a couple slices, and we'll be good to go.

Shawn: The fuck is wrong with you?

Jon: Has anyone been able to get that question answered?

Toel: You have a mental problem which no one has been able to figure out? Thats remarkable!

Jon: Oh for fuck sakes...

Shawn: Well I guess we better get going before we draw anymore zombies towards us. Jon YOU take the chainsaw and head down first. Cliff you're last since your handgun will reach farther then my shotgun. And is more acurate. Lets go!

Jon: Who the hell made you the boss!

Shawn: Mr. Shotty

Jon: Ok you got a point.

So our heros scale down the fire escape! Who knows what will be awaiting them as they traverse this city! You will find out in the nex-Hey what the fuck! Let go of the keyboard you moth-*scuffle, bam, stab, KABOOM!* Sorry folks my dimwitted friend is trying to pull off some DBZ ending crap. Just read the next chapter...when it gets wri-*bang followed by a thud* They're fine. Just make sure you read the next one...crap gotta hide the bodies.

Chapter 2: First Blo-*shot* An Ally War

Jon: Don't forget the flashlights this time. I mean christ it was a pain in th-Ow what the fuck!

Alyssa: Sorry! Guess it wasn't fashioned right. Anyway theres too little space for me to hold this. Cliff see anything?

Cliff: Not really. Looks dead, no pun intended.

Toel: How can it look dead? They don't breath?

Jon: Can we just leave him for zombie bait? Please?

Shawn: Fuck no hes the only one here who can read the damn map. That and we'll be too bust fighting to know where to head. That and he stole the keys again.

Jon: Mother fuck. Oh well which way?

Cliff: West.

Jon: Huh?

Everyone but Jon and Toel: YOUR LEFT!

Jon: Christ you know I'm bad with directions.

Toel: You think you--

Jon: Toel I will stab you. Or cut off your ear lobe. Which ever.

Toel: Will you use a disecting tool?

Jon: For the love of god..

Cliff: Uhh guys we have company. And plenty of it.

Shawn: Well shit. Wait...they're moving so slow lets just walk away.

Alyssa: That one isn't slow!

Leaping from wall to wall, a Licker moves in on its intended prey. Taking aim, Cliff nails it square in the center of the head. As if on cue, mulitiple Lickers appear and make their way towards the group.

Jon: Run mother fucker run! Just run!

Toel: Too much running!

Cliff: Oh shut up and keep moving!

Jon: Fuck this. YAAA!

Reving the chainsaw, Jon turns around and runs directly at the Lickers. By the grace of god, he manages to take care of the three Lickers before going bat shit crazy on the zombies. Looking at their friend, everyone knows this'll take a while. From under his jacket, Cliff takes out a bag of Cheetoes and begins eatting, Shawn cleaning the shotgun, Alyssa drawing circles in the dirt, and Toel just taking notes at how Jon dismembers the zombies. 45 minutes later.

Jon: Well...That takes care of that. No more zombies for now. Wait...*sniff sniff* Aww fuck I smell like shit now!

Shawn: Your fault crazy man.

Jon: This reaks!

Cliff: Look on the bright side, they may ignore you now.

Jon: How is that a bright side? I want to KILL them!

Alyssa: We shouldn't of given him the chainsaw. Really shouldn't have.

Toel: He seems quite adept with it, why shouldn't he keep it?

Group: ....

Toel: What?!?

Jon: Whatever lets get across the street and into the next safe spot we made. That way I can ATLEAST spray something over this smell my god. Wait...Eww zombie brains! Get them off!

Running out into the street, Jon manages to stir a giant crowd of zombies. Reaching to rev the chainsaw again, Cliff runs by and drags Jon off as the group runs for the building.

Cliff: No. We go now! Not 30 minutes form now, but right now.

Jon: But theres so ma--

Group but Jon: WE GO NOW!

Jon: Aww!

Well thats it for this chapter folks. I'm su-Hey I killed you! No I will not give you the keyboard I just finis-*bang, smack, bitchslap, bitchslap, groan* Sorry God damn. Anyway Enjoy the next one. wheres the damn painkillers...